A Frenchman, a Brit, an American and a Pole
by Orpah
Summary: America, France and England tell some Polish jokes. Poland hears them.
1. Chapter 1

Well, I just thought this would be interesting.

I don't own Hetalia! end /AN/

England, America and France were waiting for Poland to show up for a brief meeting. It was boring and it was also sticky out.

"So..." England said, still leaning back in his seat. "Have you guys seen the kind of battle technology Poland has?"

France snorted. "What technology? It's amazing he was able to reclaim his borders after WWI! I even hear he tried to put a screen door on a submarine!"

America snorted.

"Don't laugh. It keeps out the fish." England deadpanned, causing the other two to start laughing.

"That guy can be so dumb..." France said with a sigh. America was still snickering. "Hey, you know what I heard? I heard he got new automatic parachutes."

"Is that so?" England asked, still smiling. America grinned. "Yeah, they open on impact!"

A roar of laughter greeted the joke. "I heard he checks for mines by putting his fingers in his ears and stomping!" America had added this one as well, loving being the center of attention, after all.

France was not one to be outdone. "Well, I heard that he crashed a helicopter because he got cold and turned the fan off." Both of the other countries laughed.

"You know what I heard? I heard his library had to be shut down." England said, still chuckling a little. "Why's that?" America asked, still red in the face from laughing.

"Someone stole the book." More laughter.

"Know why he has no ice cubes? He lost the recipe!" America was roaring with laughter even as he told the joke. France held up a hand. "Apparently he bought 10,000 septic tanks earlier this year. Once his army figures out how to drive them, he plans on invading Russia!"

Howls of laughter filled the room. "Know how to confuse Poland? Put him in a round room, and then tell him to stand in the corner!"

"Haha, that's so true!" America snickered. A sudden gasp, however, caused them all to drop dead silent. They all turned slowly, and felt suddenly guilty.

There stood Poland, that confused look on his face. "I-I thought you were just telling... jokes... But...I guess...I..I... I have to go now!" And he turned to run, his face flushed from embarassment.

America jumped up, catching his arm. "Wait, Poland! We didn't know you were listening!"

Poland turned on him, angry tears in his eyes. "I'm not stupid! I know what you think about me and- and I've had enough! I hate you! Leave me alone!" He tore free, leaving a sleeve with America, and ran away.

England let his face sink into his hands. "Wonderful...." America looked extremely guilty. France looked away, pretending he had nothing to do with the joketelling.

How were they going to fix this one?

/AN/ I just wanted to point out that ethnic/racial jokes hurt. That's basically all there is to this one, but there might be a second chapter if enough people are interested.


	2. Chapter 2

And since you guys liked it, here's the second chapter!

I don't own Hetalia! end /AN/

Poland sat down huffily on a log. He wasn't entirely sure how far he'd run, but it almost felt as though it weren't far enough.

How could those guys- his supposed friends- tell those sorts of jokes about him?! Friends weren't supposed to do that!

"Poland?" A familiar voice came from the trees. Poland crossed his arms and turned away from it. "Go away!" A rustling alerted Poland to the fact the person was, in fact, not going away, but coming closer.

"Liet! I said to go away!" Poland snapped as Lithuania came into the clearing. He looked concerned.

"What's wrong?" Lithuania asked, ignoring Poland's demands and sitting down next to him. Poland still refused to look at him, instead glaring angrily at a tree.

"I don't want to talk about it." Lithuania sighed. He knew if Poland wasn't being open with him, it probably bothered him a lot. Usually, he would talk a mile a minute about almost anything that happened.

"Liet... Am I stupid?" Lithuania, a little surprised, looked over at Poland, whose head was bowed. Was that what this was all about?

"No.. A little excitable and forgetful, but definitely not stupid. Who said you were stupid?" Lithuania could feel a slight twinge as he looked at Poland's unhappy face. He hated seeing him so sad.

Poland sighed. "America and France and England. They were making fun of me when they thought I wasn't listening." Lithuania frowned. America was usually a nice guy, but man, when he messed up...

"Don't listen to them. They're wrong." Lithuania said, putting a hand on Poland's shoulder. Poland looked over at him, his distress easily showing on his face.

"But why would they say that? They're supposed to be my friends! I don't go around making jokes about them with you! I mean, when Germany did it, at least the feeling was mutual! Why are they like this?!" Lithuania sighed and shook his head.

"I don't know, Poland. I just don't know. But no matter why they do it, don't ever believe for one minute that it's true. Okay?" Poland just nodded, letting out a melancholic sigh. Lithuania hoped this hadn't given Poland's self-esteem a body-blow.

His fears were erased when Poland suddenly stood up, grinning. "You're right! I shouldn't let them put me down like this! I'm going to go back to that meeting and hold my head high!"

Lithuania smiled. "That's great, Poland! But you might want to hurry up, it was a little while ago."

Poland nodded enthusiasticly. "Okay! See you later, Liet!"

Lithuania sighed as he watched the blonde go. He hoped Poland's shyness wouldn't overcome him at the last minute and make him a mess...

/AN/ Hooray! I did it in a day! I believe there shall be a third chapter! So, if anyone wants to see a particular character show up in this one as a random thing, I'm open to suggestions!


	3. Chapter 3

And since I did say I would do a third chapter, here it is!

Weird thing about writing stuff with Lithuania and Poland, they make me think very strongly of myself and my twin sister... Not sure who's who, though.

I don't own Hetalia! end /AN/

Poland stopped just outside the door of the conference room. He knew he could do this, it's just... It was painful, and he was afraid they would still think he was stupid or something.

He straightened his shoulders. He would show them he wasn't stupid, and hopefully the meeting would go peacefully.

He slowly opened the door.

All three of the nations looked up, plus one nation whose name Poland was having a little difficulty remembering. America immediately stood up, hands spread wide.

"Poland! We thought you wouldn't come back!" England sighed as he also stood up. "What he means to say is, we probably shouldn't have said what we did."

"Oui, those losers should never have said such horrible things!" France exclaimed dramatically. England and America glared. France gulped and amended, "And I shouldn't have said it either."

"Huh? What'd you guys say?" All heads turned to look at the previously-unnoticed Canada. England looked uncomfortable immediately, while America grinned sheepishly to cover his embarassment. France simply avoided looking Canada in the eye.

"Hey, uh, you know how I tell Canadian jokes sometimes, Canada?" America said, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. Canada frowned in response.

"Okay, so you do remember... Well, we were telling jokes about Poland and he heard them and got upset... That's all." America grinned at the end, as if to show it wasn't a big deal. Poland bristled.

"What do you mean 'that's all?' You wouldn't like it if I told jokes about you behind your backs!" England looked slightly startled, while America flinched a little. "Well, maybe you shouldn't have such thin skin... People make fun of me sometimes, but I don't run away crying-" America was cut off by Poland. "I wasn't crying! I was angry!"

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have been! They were just jokes, Poland!" America snapped back, feeling strangely like he was being judged. He hated being judged....

"Oh yeah?!" Poland seemed livid. "Well, since we're telling jokes about each other, know what the whales say when they see America at the beach?"

France seemed amused. "What?" Poland glared viciously at America. "Hey, look! Isn't that our cousin?" America's jaw dropped. "Hey, I'm not fat!" The three others started snickering. "And you know what they say about England when-" England cut Poland off. "Whoa, just a second here! I said I was sorry, America was the git who was carrying on!"

Poland seemed to concede this to England. He turned on France, who stopped snickering mid-laugh. "How do you stop France's tanks?" England, of course, immediately responded. "How?"

"Jump in front of them and yell Boo!" Poland replied, causing England to howl with laughter while France looked deeply offended. "That's not funny at all!"

"Well, I guess you can't take handle your own medicine! Don't you think maybe I didn't think all those jokes about me were funny?" Poland demanded, looking them both seriously in the eye. Both looked down, feeling a little bit embarassed now.

"I guess you're right... I'm really sorry...." America admitted, looking ashamed. France sighed. "I guess I should understand, since there are so many French jokes too...."

"I'll try not to do it again, I promise!" America said emphatically, while the other two just nodded. Poland looked satisfied. Canada, of course, spoke up then. "Hey, we should go get ice cream! That's what Cuba and I do when we hurt each other..."

America, of course, started indignantly yelling at Canada about hanging around Cuba, and the others laughed while England got out the ice cream.

/AN/ Man, that took forever to write... I'm never good at ending conflicts in my stories, for whatever reason... I hope you find it satisfactory anyway!


End file.
